Epicmafia

deleteddeletedover 10 years ago

Connor

you took your clothes off in the lounge?

yeah this is another thing. unfortunately it was a hostel so we had like, not private area to screw and the lounge at 1am was as close as we could get. there was totally the chance someone coulda walked in on us. some chinese fellow, who would be hella confused. heck, for all i know someone DID walk in on us. idk man, i was pretty distracted by the naked lady in front of me.

iceover 10 years ago

mist

secondly, don't poop while having sex. look, im not pointing any fingers. our afterglow was cut painfully short by the distinct scent of feces. and then we found a literal piece of poop at the base of one of the beanbags. now again, im not passing around any blame, but i certainly didn't poop during sex, and im pretty dang sure that poop wasn't there before we banged. and im also like, 70% there was no one else in the beanbags for the duration of said intercourse. so like. u can probably see where im going with this.

take it as a compliment

citeopmIover 10 years ago

mist

secondly, don't poop while having sex. look, im not pointing any fingers. our afterglow was cut painfully short by the distinct scent of feces. and then we found a literal piece of poop at the base of one of the beanbags. now again, im not passing around any blame, but i certainly didn't poop during sex, and im pretty dang sure that poop wasn't there before we banged. and im also like, 70% there was no one else in the beanbags for the duration of said intercourse. so like. u can probably see where im going with this.

ok I call bs this story is too incredible

krystalover 10 years ago

mist

secondly, don't poop while having sex. look, im not pointing any fingers. our afterglow was cut painfully short by the distinct scent of feces. and then we found a literal piece of poop at the base of one of the beanbags. now again, im not passing around any blame, but i certainly didn't poop during sex, and im pretty dang sure that poop wasn't there before we banged. and im also like, 70% there was no one else in the beanbags for the duration of said intercourse. so like. u can probably see where im going with this.

LMFAO no way u are being serious rn hahahahahaha

roadmanover 10 years ago

Impoetic

roadman
Impoetic
roadman
Shout out to my fellow virgins.
roadman
Connor
first time sex on beanbags sounds pretty difficult
Maybe if you're a cripple.
put the d where your mouth is tbh
I don't think anyone will be putting their D where their mouth is.
so you've tried it

When I was a yout'. I learnt a pretty quick lesson however.

deleteddeletedover 10 years ago

secondly, don't poop while having sex. look, im not pointing any fingers. our afterglow was cut painfully short by the distinct scent of feces. and then we found a literal piece of poop at the base of one of the beanbags. now again, im not passing around any blame, but i certainly didn't poop during sex, and im pretty dang sure that poop wasn't there before we banged. and im also like, 70% there was no one else in the beanbags for the duration of said intercourse. so like. u can probably see where im going with this.

krystalover 10 years ago

http://www.vice.com/read/how-to-suck-your-own-di*k

citeopmIover 10 years ago

roadman

Impoetic
roadman
Shout out to my fellow virgins.
roadman
Connor
first time sex on beanbags sounds pretty difficult
Maybe if you're a cripple.
put the d where your mouth is tbh
I don't think anyone will be putting their D where their mouth is.

so you've tried it

citeopmIover 10 years ago

mist

actually i do have wisdom on this. let me tell you about the mistakes we made, after we took our clothes off.

first of all, if you can help it, don't lose your virginity to a virgin. i mean, i know this is kind of not the first thing u think of when ur lookin' to get laid but this is sound advice. we were both virgins and as it turns out, we had no idea how to have sex. it took us like, 15 minutes and 3 condoms to figure out a position in which penetration was feasible.

that sounds HILARIOUS

Clairover 10 years ago

mist

actually i do have wisdom on this. let me tell you about the mistakes we made, after we took our clothes off.

first of all, if you can help it, don't lose your virginity to a virgin. i mean, i know this is kind of not the first thing u think of when ur lookin' to get laid but this is sound advice. we were both virgins and as it turns out, we had no idea how to have sex. it took us like, 15 minutes and 3 condoms to figure out a position in which penetration was feasible.

i think that's just the american sex ed being abysmal

Arcbellover 10 years ago

some people can do it harry

krystalover 10 years ago

mist

actually i do have wisdom on this. let me tell you about the mistakes we made, after we took our clothes off.

first of all, if you can help it, don't lose your virginity to a virgin. i mean, i know this is kind of not the first thing u think of when ur lookin' to get laid but this is sound advice. we were both virgins and as it turns out, we had no idea how to have sex. it took us like, 15 minutes and 3 condoms to figure out a position in which penetration was feasible.

hmmm, but wasn't it more interesting and memorable since you were both virgins? didn't u feel more connected. imagine sticking it into a black hole for your first time after devante/shamzy been there

roadmanover 10 years ago

Impoetic

roadman
Shout out to my fellow virgins.
roadman
Connor
first time sex on beanbags sounds pretty difficult
Maybe if you're a cripple.
put the d where your mouth is tbh

I don't think anyone will be putting their D where their mouth is.

Clairover 10 years ago

you took your clothes off in the lounge?

Mikiover 10 years ago

#he hasnt changed

citeopmIover 10 years ago

roadman

Shout out to my fellow virgins.

roadman

Connor
first time sex on beanbags sounds pretty difficult
Maybe if you're a cripple.

put the d where your mouth is tbh

roadmanover 10 years ago

Impoetic

I'm 40% sure 17 is a record for people who also use epicmafia and 60% sure I should not be shouted at by the site admin

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

citeopmIover 10 years ago

I'm 40% sure 17 is a record for people who also use epicmafia and 60% sure I should not be shouted at by the site admin

krystalover 10 years ago

is erectile dysfunction considered being crippled?

deleteddeletedover 10 years ago

actually i do have wisdom on this. let me tell you about the mistakes we made, after we took our clothes off.

first of all, if you can help it, don't lose your virginity to a virgin. i mean, i know this is kind of not the first thing u think of when ur lookin' to get laid but this is sound advice. we were both virgins and as it turns out, we had no idea how to have sex. it took us like, 15 minutes and 3 condoms to figure out a position in which penetration was feasible.

for krystalk