It’s cold as HELL, with only the slightest hint of autumn in the air (mostly winter). Perfect weather for your favorite thing in the world: trick-or-treating!
That’s right, folks! "Today" is October 31, which means it’s time to celebrate Halloween and go out hunting for the mouth pleasures known as candy.
Are you ready to hit the streets and load up your bucket or pillowcase or whatever you keep these tasty yet mouth destroying sweets in?
“Before you go out trick-or-treating, we have to tell you some Halloween safety rules. Taking candy from strangers is a great idea, and we encourage it, but not all strangers can be trusted.”
Your mom nods in agreement.
“That’s right,” she says. “Halloween is a fun holiday, but there are bad folks out there who want to spoil your fun.”
"You may come across some atheists who definitely don't want someone to dress like His Holiness if he was sexy, please don't stop or they will rob you of your candied goodness and leave you with some witch cult who will sacrifice you to their pagan gods," your dad states.
A) Alright! I will definitely not stop for atheists to rob me and possibly leave me to become a sacrifice for pagan gods.
“Before you go out trick-or-treating, we have to tell you some Halloween safety rules. Taking candy from strangers is a great idea, and we encourage it, but not all strangers can be trusted.”
Your mom nods in agreement.
“That’s right,” she says. “Halloween is a fun holiday, but there are bad folks out there who want to spoil your fun.”
"Please stay away from homeless people who might mistake you for one of them as your costume is fairly realistic and they might ask if you want drugs, please say no," your dad pleads.
Your parents stand up and begin shouting together in unison and do a little dance.
“THE RULES OF HALLOWEEN:
Rule 1: Do not eat unwrapped candy out of a man’s hand, for he has surely poisoned it.
Rule 2: Beware the razor blade, the knife that is not candy. If someone tries to feed you a razor blade, ask for candy instead.
Rule 3: The most important rule. Candy. Is. Essential. You must do whatever it takes to obtain it. Should a homeowner refuse your request for candy, employ the opposite of treat known as a ‘trick.’ Do whatever mischief is required to get the creamy pasties and sugar crystals your tongue lusts for.”
A) Those are good rules and I will follow them
B) Gosh, you guys are SO paranoid about the nice strangers who just want to give me candy
“Before you go out trick-or-treating, we have to tell you some Halloween safety rules. Taking candy from strangers is a great idea, and we encourage it, but not all strangers can be trusted.”
Your mom nods in agreement.
“That’s right,” she says. “Halloween is a fun holiday, but there are bad folks out there who want to spoil your fun.”
