jack

you're just gonna tell me to drink bleach again you doofus

First of all: Drink bleach.
Second of all: take this as a sign from god. You and Andrea are NEVER gonna get married.
Third of all: the only place you've had a romantic relationship from is EM, even I had stabby stab. You lack confidence.
Fourth of all: roasting you is somehow way harder than I thought it'd be so I'll just say your eyes squint too much and you're the living embodiment of a puss puss.

o.O

me please

This is going to be fun

you're just gonna tell me to drink bleach again you doofus

make me cry

Ally every time you speak you sound like you're on the verge of tears, you probably have a mild case of Stockholm syndrome just for the amount of times you've trusted me when you clearly shouldn't have.

im a survivor player

Ginga

bully me dad

Sit down and listen to me. You're a stupid who's parents needed to put an automatic shutdown on your laptop until you were about to go into college. Your halfassed attempts at talking and flirting with girls go about as well as the hindenburg disaster. The reason you barely put any effort into flirting with girls is because you know if you actually put effort into it and tried you'd just be let down that much harder. So you try it halfassed and hope for the best but let me tell you this you little redheaded stepchild, it doesn't work. Maybe try having a personality to compliment the self-deprecating jokes, it worked for me so I would know.