yeah, that's my logic for at least being transparent about it. i'd only told a very select few (like 3-4 people at most) from EM. there's no reason to keep it a secret when pretending it didn't happen doesn't undo it. that and though this is idealistic and pretty silly, i do hope that it helps anyone who has experienced anything traumatic to know that they are not alone.
its better to talk out these things than bottle them up.hope u feel better,thx for sharing
deleteddeletedalmost 11 years ago
also if anyone wants to make fun of me, i have been diagnosed with autism. i mentioned it elsewhere on this site a few days ago but i figured i'd put it out there now
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deleteddeletedalmost 11 years ago
no i spoiled myself about it. no one spoiled me, i chose to watch videos of it/read up on it out of boredom.
deleteddeletedalmost 11 years ago
i had never really thought of myself having PTSD until i was diagnosed with it. it all made a lot of sense from that point on. i have episodes of paranoia and genuine belief that my attackers will find me again and revictimize me. i have nightmares of revictimization. i have relived that experience in both my mentality and my dreams. not a single day goes by where it doesn't enter my cognitive patterns at some point. it is always a predominant thing for me. i am always thinking about worst-case scenario in regards to situations. do i have a means of escaping harm? what if i see them again? how can i make sure it doesn't happen again?
it's difficult to say what "caused" PTSD because i cannot say. the easiest way to explain it is that i felt myself withdrawing immediately after my assault. i became less trusting of people, less willing to instigate conversations/interactions, jumpy when surprised (as in i jump/scream if i don't notice someone and they approach me), more uncomfortable in social situations, and i almost can't function in crowds. i can try as much as i want to put everything down on a list but basically a lot of how i think act and behave has greatly changed since that event.
and yes, male sexual assault is not talked about much, especially in regards to prison culture. i could probably talk a lot more about male sexual assault statistics in prisons but that's another subject.
deleteddeletedalmost 11 years ago
vash i typed out a response to your question once but my internet acted weird and i lost the answer so i'm gonna do my best to retype what i had.
the trauma behind my assault largely comes from the violation of my safety. a lot of my PTSD stems from hypervigilance and paranoia. i was attacked by two men, one of which i remember very clearly, the other i probably couldn't identify at all. i've seen the one i recognize in public before. he intimidated me and stared me down to imply that he remembered me (i didn't know him). i ran home that day and made sure i wasn't followed. sometimes it's really scary knowing someone is out there in your city who has hurt you and wants to hurt you again and you have no idea when you can run into them. something like that fuels a lot of my PTSD i imagine. there's also something terrifying about not knowing what one of your attackers looks like. there's a lot of stuff that scares me these days.
so why r u traumatized by the whole sexual assault thing
like in seriousness
which aspects of it do u feel caused PTSD?
i realize its a sensitive issue, but im curious. male on male forced sex is something america doesnt talk about at all, yet it's actually quite prevalent, esp. in gang culture
